My Newest Invention Will Revolutionize Communication

I'm not blogging much these days.  Let's just say I took the summer off and wrote a couple things on rainy days.  But fall is back and I might be too.  Or I might not be.  I don't make a lot of promises, because those come with commitments, and you can probably guess where I stand on those.  Maybe you can call this the Season Premiere of "Not Exactly Newsworthy".

I need two things to write a blog post:  Material and motivation.  I haven't had those lately, but truth be told, I just haven't had a lot of great material.  When I have great material, I'm pretty motivated to write something. 

In the summer when the weather is nice, I don't like to be in front of the computer.  When the weather turns bad, I get off the golf course and get reacquainted with my couch, my television, and my laptop.  That's a deadly combination, because there's so much to make fun of between TV and the Internet.  I mean really, what's not funny about infomercials, Nancy Grace, and people's ridiculous use of facebook?  I don't even need to say anything half the time.

But even when I have plenty of material, sometimes it's not enough to write a full blog post about.  I thought it might be nice to have a way to publish a sentence or two at a time.  There should be a service where you can post, say, 140 characters at a time that anybody could read.  Maybe you could send it from your phone, and people would get it on their phone.  You could follow lots of people, perhaps.  Some might like following celebrities, while others would follow business journals and politicians.  I was thinking a cute little bird could be the logo, as if there was a bird delivering these mini blogs.  Either way, people just like to be heard, and they like to know every little thing their celebrity idols are doing at every second of the day.

When I see a need, I act.  That's why I invented something I like to call "Twitter".  With this new medium, I will revolutionize communication.  In fact, it appears I already have.  Literally dozens of people are using Twitter already.  Perhaps more, I don't know.  I only invented it yesterday, so maybe it's grown.

So you're welcome, world.  Tweet (that's the word I came up with that means "to tell the world what you're doing or what's on your mind using Dave's invention, Twitter"...goes back to the cute little bird.  I'm a genius.) to your little heart's content.  Let me know what you're doing, even though I really don't care.  The point is, read mine and find somebody who wants to read yours.

If you like the blog, I really do appreciate it, and I'll try to keep the posts coming semi-regularly.  If you feel like being adventurous, try out my invention.  It's called Twitter.  Find me at www.twitter.com/dave_creamer.

*Disclaimer:  Dave Creamer did not invent Twitter.  If you think this is true, you're an idiot and you don't understand that virtually everything in this blog is, at best, only half true.  This is far less true than that. 

It's a High-Tech World, and We Don't Even Realize It

Technology gets a bad rap sometimes. Texting while driving, cyber-stalking, facebook obsessions, tweeting EVERYTHING you do all day--all problems. Don't take it out on the technology, take it out on the idiots using them.

I know it gets said all the time, but where would we be without all this stuff? Forget living off the land, we feel like we'd be roughing it to not have the internet or our cell phone for a couple days. Don't act like it doesn't affect you...everybody knows somebody who says "I hate this cell phone, and I never use the internet." Even if you are telling the truth (and you aren't), nobody wants to hear it. We've all got to stand out for something, and if you need to stand out by being belligerent, more power to you. Just don't expect anybody to like you.

It's not like this stuff has been around for all that long, either. If you could go back in time just 10 years, I'd like you to drop a comment about texting while driving at a cocktail party. "Texting? What are you talking about...I mean, what are you WORDING about? Idiot, get out of here." Seriously, we take 20 minutes to invent words to talk about this stuff.

My buddy Brad and I were talking tonight and trying to figure out how old a particular baseball player was. In just a few seconds, we knew he was 34...and we're not even smart. Well, he's the one who found out, so maybe he is. But we got to wondering, how did people find this stuff out 15 or 20 years ago? I can't even remember back that far anymore. I guess you just try and find out by getting lucky. "How old is Eric Byrnes?"

"Beats me. Guess we'll never know."

"I'll write a letter to the newspaper. Maybe we'll get a response. I'll let you know in a couple months."

No way that would work today. If somebody tells me I have to write a letter, I'm like "what? No way! I don't even think I could find a piece of paper, let alone an envelope! And how much are stamps nowadays?" And if I get a letter in the mail, forget it. I'm nervous for a week. Maybe it's a ransom note...maybe I owe somebody money...maybe this is chemical warfare.

I'd like to see somebody go back 20 years and explain their facebook addiction. You might as well be explaining it to cavemen.

"Facebook? What? Do they have phonebooks with pictures in the future?"

"No, it's a website. Uh, it's this place on the inter...um...so it's this thing on my computer."

"You have a computer at your house? Nerd alert!"

"Yeah, I have a couple, but it's this place on the computer where people communicate with each other. All the computers are hooked together, all over the world."

"Wow, even in Russia? Russia sucks man...stupid Commies. So are there just wires all over the world or what? What are you, like pen pals with people everywhere?"

"Oh man, no, I don't know how it works. But anyway, there's lots of information on there, and I have a farm and a mafia on my page. I spend about nine hours a day on there. Plus more time on my cell phone."

"What? What are you talking about? You're a farmer and a mobster? Your page? You sell phones? I am so confused."

"No, it's a cell phone, like cellular. It's where I do my twitter."

"Get away from me, man. I don't want to hear anything else about your twitter."