Sunday, August 29, 2010

"Hey Bro, Do You Think Everybody Would Hate Us if we did Some Sick Ollies on the Sidewalk?"

I saw a kid fall off a skateboard today when I was walking out of a Starbucks, and I have to say it kind of made my day.

A group of four or five middle-school-aged kids (or maybe they were in college...I can't tell anymore) were inside Starbucks when I walked in.  One of the kids--I think he was named Timmy--was actually on his skateboard in the coffee shop, and they were all talking very loudly and calling attention to themselves.  By the time I went outside, Timmy and his gang had moved outside to the sidewalk, where they were pulling off some pretty sick moves where their wheels almost left the ground.

After weaving my way through X-Games 2016, I got to my car and turned around just in time to see Timmy get a little too close to the curb.  The skateboard went left and Timmy went straight down.  He landed squarely on his backside and his skateboard eventually made its way to the street and got run over by a Suburban.  Halfway through a seven-hour drive, I suddenly had a newfound energy, and I hadn't even touched my americano.

There's nothing wrong with skateboarding, but the chip on the shoulder of skateboarders is tough to stomach.  Skateboarders think everybody hates them because skateboarding is such an evil activity.  Actually, people hate them because they insist on skating in front of Starbucks and at the Post Office.  Skateboarding should be performed at designated skateboarding venues only, and those should be in every community.

Skateboarders don't want to hear that there's nothing wrong with their favorite sport.  They love the idea that the whole world is against them and that they're bugging everybody sitting on the patio at Starbucks.  Most people outgrow this attitude, but the ones who don't suddenly wake up one day and they're 42 and hooked on Red Bull, video games and Maxim Magazine.  

See, nobody hates fly-fishermen, but if they were casting in the parking lot at the Sizzler and hooking all the fine patrons of that lovely restaurant, Eddie Bauer would sell T-shirts that said "FLY FISHING IS NOT A CRIME".  Or who hates jockeys?  Nobody, that's who.  You have to love a tiny guy on a fast horse, but if they were riding their horses on the sidewalk and playing that awful horseback-riding music at all hours of the night, they'd be public enemy number one.

But these people respect boundaries and understand where they are supposed to carry out their hobbies.  Come on, skateboarders...lose the attitude and go to your local skate park.  Be great at skateboarding there, and don't invite the rest of society to hate you.  That's not that cool.

1 comment:

  1. My wife and I skateboard to Starbucks all the time. We hold hands, drank our draanks and sk8. Why you hatin' on our family bonding activity? In fact, if it weren't for my sk8ing to Star Bucks, I'd probably be in jail by now. Pretty soon you are going to be talking about how you don't like people holding hands and that they should hold hands in designated "Hand-holding" areas only. Don't be a h8r!