Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The LOST Conspiracy

There is one TV show I have to watch every single week.  I've never missed an episode, and if it takes me more than 24 hours to catch up on my DVR, I might go nuts.  I got hooked on LOST a few years ago, because I got tricked into thinking it was about survival, but now I know I'm just one of millions of people who are being laughed at by the creators of this show.

In its first couple of seasons, LOST showed us a few glimpses of odd things that just didn't make sense, but ever since then it's gotten progressively weirder.  For the last few years, I've resisted admitting that one of my favorite shows was Science Fiction.  But now I can't help but admit it.

I don't like Science Fiction.  I like shows/movies/books that can be explained by logic, or at least humor.  Similarly, I don't like Romantic Comedies, as they lack both of those elements, but I digress.  If you like Sci-Fi, you should like LOST.  If you don't, but like LOST anyway, you need to come to the realization, like I did, that LOST is an elaborate attempt to turn normal people like you and me into Sci-Fi fans.  It's a conspiracy.  I don't like it one bit, and you shouldn't either.  Start chain emails, and make sure your parents are on them.  They love emails about conspiracies, so this will turbo-charge our message.

If you are a Sci-Fi fan, please don't take this personally.  I'm not saying I'm any better than you, just considerably less of a dork.  And that should be okay.

Back to LOST.  There's little argument that it's a Science-Fiction show.  It has a black smoke monster, uncontrolled time travel, alternate realities, and (mostly) beautiful people who can't act.  If they had told us a few years back that these were major parts of the show, nobody would have watched.  For three years, we thought it was all about the Oceanic 815 survivors and The Others.  We were duped.

Go back and watch a few episodes in Seasons Two or Three.  Knowing what you know now, was there any relevance to these?  Sure, there were key points that needed to be made, but each season could have easily been two or three hours long until the last two.  LOST's creators sent us on a four-year wild-goose-chase.  Do you know what it's like to be tricked and taken advantage of?  I don't like it...and there's nothing I can do about it.  There's nothing I can do, because I'm hooked.

Some people have expressed their dismay over the fact that LOST will be over soon.  I, for one, can't wait.  It's like I'm suffering from an addiction.  Addicts get to the point where they no longer love that to which they are addicted.  They can't wait for it to be out of their lives forever, but they also can't wait for their next fix.  It's not a drug that satisfies me, it's answers.  I watch LOST because I want to be done with it.  I hate LOST and the control it has over my life.

What do you love about LOST?  Do you love the mystery, or do you love something else about it?  Maybe you love Sawyer's clever little one-liners.  Maybe you love the way Hurley says "Dude" and "like" more than any real human ever has.  Or maybe you love the over-dramatic acting or music.  My guess is you're in it for the mystery.  So don't be sad when LOST is over.  We can happily bury this awful show and hopefully never be hoodwinked again.


  1. No wonder you're having dreams about LeBron James and Britney Spears. That show is whack. I'm glad I got out after the first 5 episodes aired and I became instantly aggravated by the lack of answers.

  2. Brad, I'm really surprised you found something that aggravated you. I should've listened. Overall I'm glad I've watched, but I could've done without a few seasons of nonsense.

  3. I walked away after season 3. Best decision I ever made. I watched this season because my wife likes it. Get ready...they're going to make a book after the show ends explaining everything, and at $14.95 a piece, they'll make a killing.