Update from the Sick Bed

Every four years or so, whether I need to or not, I get sick.  It's the kind of sick that starts out feeling like allergies, then ends up feeling like I was the slowest guy at the Running of the Bulls.  Right about now, I can feel the bulls' breath on my back, and I'm slowing down.  I've been going non-stop for a couple weeks now, and my body is finally pushing back.

As you know, I'm a bachelor.  What that means is that everybody in the world figures they know infinitely more about dealing with sickness than I do.  I know to take Airborne, drink lots of fluids, get plenty of rest, and...well, I guess that's about all I know.  Maybe everybody is right.

I have a fever, and that's somewhat disturbing.  It's disturbing because I checked my temperature with a meat thermometer (orally, of course).  Perhaps the most troubling part of that is that my temperature was 89.1 degrees.  I figured my temperature wasn't actually that low, and my hunch was confirmed when I purchased an actual thermometer at Walgreen's.  But I got worried about my meat thermometer.  When your meat thermometer is almost 13 degrees low, you stand a pretty good chance of dying from salmonella.  Then I was further troubled that I was more concerned over the temperature of chicken than I was about my own body's temperature.  But I shouldn't be surprised.

Being somewhat of a moron about these things, one of my strongest lines of defense against a cold is the cough drop.  A cough drop lasts no more than 10 minutes, but if you're asleep, they could last until the end of time.  I always get nervous that I'm going to choke on my cough drop and die before I even wake up.  So when I have a cough drop in, my sleep is kind of tentative.  I took a nap yesterday and was having a dream that my tooth was falling out, so naturally I tried to chew it up.  I awoke in a panic to find myself viciously chomping on my cough drop.  I wasn't that scared though, because I was being protected by LeBron James, Britney Spears, and their army of sword-fighting horse-dragons.  As if my dreams weren't weird enough already, I have to go and add medication.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  Maybe I'll see a doctor, but I can't remember the last time I saw a doctor for being sick...I think I was actually in college.  I have Advil Cold & Sinus and that's helping some.  I would make chicken noodle soup, but I'm not sure my new thermometer will work for chicken, and I sure don't trust my meat thermometer anymore.