The Best Bracket Ever, Part 1

This is my favorite time of year. Birds are starting to chirp again and new grass is beginning to sprout up as the last of the snow melts. That stuff is all great, but it's hardly why I love this time of year. I'm excited because it's time for March Madness. I love college basketball, and it culminates in the Big Dance, which is one of the greatest traditions in all of sports.

Everybody participates in their office pool or some group on Facebook. And for somebody who watches basketball all season long and keeps up with the teams, I should have a distinct advantage over all the other weekend warriors in the pool, right? Wrong.

We all know somebody who, although they have no idea what they're doing, wins their bracket competition and leaves the actual basketball fans swearing and foaming at the mouth like they must have cheated the system. So after years of frustration, I'm going to enter the mind of Laci, the hair-stylist from the downtown salon who has won every bracket challenge she's ever entered. This is my strategy. Steal my picks if you want to, but you saw it here first.

The Midwest bracket:

1-Kansas Jayhawks
16-Lehigh Mountain Hawks

"They're both hawks? That's stupid. My favorite bartender is named Jay, and I like the beach, not the mountains."

Pick: Kansas

8-UNLV Runnin' Rebels
9-Northern Iowa Panthers

"UNLV is from Las Vegas? Oh my gosh I love Las Vegas SOOO much! I like saying 'Vegas Baby' because I sound super awesome when I put baby on there! I stayed at the Bellagio one time and I met this guy...never mind."

Pick: UNLV

5-Michigan State Spartans
12-New Mexico State Aggies

"Uh, hello, Mexico is NOT a state, it's a country! And why is there a new one? That's so stupid. Michigan State all the way!"

Pick: Michigan State

4-Maryland Terrapins
13-Houston Cougars

"Why are guys all like obsessed with cougars now? Uh, hello, they're just old women. Plus I love my aunt Mary."

Pick: Maryland

6-Tennessee Volunteers
11-San Diego State Aztecs

"Are they seriously just like volunteer basketball players? That's so sweet! I volunteered once for Habitat for Humanity and I hit my finger with a hammer so I just like talked to people the rest of the time. Gosh, I love, love, LOVE San Diego! My friend Stacey knows some people with a condo in La Jolla and it's sooo beautiful!"

Pick: San Diego State

3-Georgetown Hoyas
14-Ohio Bobcats

"Oh my gosh, Hoyas! Just like La Jolla! Winner!"

Pick: Georgetown

7-Oklahoma State Cowboys
10-Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

"My best guy friend Paul loves Georgia Tech. He's so sweet...he always brings me lunch at work. Plus I just got a new yellow jacket and it is so stinkin' cute!"

Pick: Georgia Tech

2-Ohio State Buckeyes
15-UC Santa Barbara Gauchos

"I saw Ohio State play a football game one time and they are so awesome!



Pick: Ohio State