Saturday, March 6, 2010

Dirtbag Air

It's been a week or so since my last blog post. I was on vacation last week, then returned to a busy week of work, so blogging just wasn't an option. Actually, who am I kidding? I wasn't that busy, I just wasn't very motivated.

But I flew back to Montana on Sunday afternoon, anxious to leave the miserable 75 degree weather and sunshine. My airline of choice for this trip was Allegiant Airlines. If you haven't had the privilege of flying Allegiant, you're missing out on good deals and some of the best people-watching man has ever known.

Flying always provides a great opportunity for a person to look around and realize that they're not that weird after all, but Allegiant takes it to another level. If US Airways and Southwest are "Discount Airlines", then Allegiant is a "Thrift-Store Airline". I've always said US Air was the Trailways Bus Lines of the sky, and if that's true, then Allegiant is Crazy Eddie's Rickshaw Service. It's so cheap though, and I hate spending money, so it's perfect for me, but you don't exactly get a lot of perks.

Back in the day, flying was for the elite. Average people piled into cars and drove all over the place and saved a bundle. But with Allegiant Air, you'd be an idiot to drive when round-trip tickets are often well under $100. So naturally, with this kind of bargain, it doesn't take long for the people of Walmart (you've seen the website, you know the type) to finally have the opportunity to "ride a plane". "White Trash Air" would be a suitable name should Allegiant ever feel the need to change.

I was lucky enough to have a couple of these gems on my flight home on Sunday.

One was seated right beside me. She was in her 60's and rolled her borrowed suitcase onto the plane after most of the passengers had already gotten situated. I know the suitcase was borrowed, because she asked me to help her figure out how to "make this handle go away". She looked around for an overhead bin to place her suitcase in, but they were all full, so she left it in front of her legs. I didn't feel it was my job to tell her she wouldn't be allowed to do that, but the flight attendant was there quickly to tell her that wasn't allowed, and that there was some open compartment space toward the back of the plane. Clearly unsatisfied with that option, she elected to keep the suitcase in her lap, hugging it like it was trying to get away. Our flight attendant was back quickly to reprimand her once again, then the lady spent most of the rest of the flight complaining about the "control freak" who took her beloved luggage from her. The rest of the time, she ate the pot roast that she brought from home to stink up the entire airplane.

My favorite passenger was a man who couldn't have weighed an ounce under 400 pounds. Once he got on board and found a place for his things, he remained standing and looking around for a moment, sweaty and out of breath. Finally he located a flight attendant and yelled, "STEWARDESS!", a moniker every flight attendant must absolutely love. I'm sure she heard him, but she ignored his call a couple of times. So he yelled louder, "HEY, STEWARDESS!!" Fed up, she finally turned around and shot him a look that made me nervous.

"Hey sweetie, can you bring me a Pepsi?" he asked, obviously unaware of her displeasure with him.

The look got worse, and I thought someone was going to die. "No, sir, I can't. Please take your seat so others can board."

Stunned, he looked at her silently for a moment and finally sat down. As she was making her final pass through the cabin before takeoff, he asked one more question. "Is this a smoking flight?"

I was astounded that someone would ask such a question. Has this guy been on a plane in the last 30 years? Ever? But not our flight attendant...evidently she had heard everything, because she didn't start screaming uncontrollably at him. She calmly responded by shaking her head, as if to say, "that's an excellent question. Just recently, in 1979, it became a federal offense to smoke on a commercial flight. It's understandable that you missed that bit of information."

I'm not saying I want to be a flight attendant, but it would be amazing to have the opportunity to see these types every day of my life. Surely this one's self-esteem is off the charts.

1 comment:

  1. Civil Rights speeches on the news. Talking of past intimidation on homosexuals.
    A little unfocused. Homos hate your guts::::As you showed up to vote for Obama you passed Proposition 8, outlawing gay marriage. Don't bother.
    Intimidation, in school and in society in general, was an EXCELLENT tactic in keeping people from envoking the god's ire with sexually deviate behavior. In the absence of this tool of enforecement these disfavoreds have nothing to be afraid of, and people who otherwise would avoid digging this hole throughout their lives are now getting into big trouble, the likes of which they may never recover from.
    Anti-gay sentiment served a VERY important purpose in society, a benefit which no longer exists and ironically another element contributing to societal decay.
    Black intimidation illustrates an OUTSTANDING example of "reverse positioning":::::
    In the days of segregation there were pressures on the black community to "behave", pressures which no longer exist. Actually, it served as a good substitute for Islam, a religion whose strictness helps the believers toe the line, a MAJOR problem among blacks.
    Ironically, this intimidation was substituted for Civil Rights, planned and inflicted on the black community by the gods through the Italians. Now they eat what they are fed. And it is killing them.
    The deterioration which has occurred in the decades since has DEVESTATED the black community, but since the gods have positioned coinciding increased weath the people believe times are improving. Rather, they are falling further out of the god's favor with their behavior, now financable, evident by the community in decay during past crisises (crack epidemic, gang violence, massive drug use, pre-teen prostitution, etc).

    If people only understood the importance of good parents. You won't be going anywhere without them. And it won't happen unless you are one first.

    "The West Bank, where the end of the world will begin." This happened 2000 years ago.

    Another feature which the Gods offer as a clue is very foreboading and ominous. Mt. Zion is a mountain to the north of Diablo (the eye of The Beast) and one which has a working quarry at its base. Consistant with the decay we experience in society, Mt. Zion is being eaten away, slowly stripped of its resources, until one day paradise will be gone forever.